Leading a peaceful lifestyle doesn’t mean that you stay in a perpetual state of meditation. It means that you are able to rationalize stressful situations and choose how to respond rather than get caught up in the heat of the moment. Leading a drama free lifestyle isn’t easy, it takes practice to control your emotions when someone is making you angry. It is always good to have a few coping skills on deck to use when you start feeling cornered or attacked. One of the most important element to consider is that this person’s behavior is not an attack against you, it is a negative reaction to a need of theirs that isn’t being met. Additionally, when you find yourself becoming angry with someone, remember that we are all reflections of one another. Qualities of a person that upset you are probably qualities you don’t like about yourself and vice versa. Finally, set reasonable expectations for yourself and others. It is unfair to hold people, including yourself, accountable for unattainable standards. This sets them up for failure in your eyes. Keeping your peace under pressure takes time and effort. It requires you to maintain control of your actions and to make continued check-ins on your emotional state.
Stay Rational
When you find yourself in a heated situation, take a second to get centered and listen to the underlying message this person is trying to convey. It is important to remain as calm as you can during this time in order to avoid doing something you may regret later. Much can be said in the heat of the moment that you don’t really mean.
Something that helped me to remain calm when I was working with kids who had behavioral disorders was to look into their eyes. They may be screaming at me, but their eyes showed me their pain. I could see the conflict of wanting to trust and fearing closeness. I found this trick helped me to preserve compassion and control (while maintaining my safety) during volatile situations. After I saw how effective this was with children, I expanded this to adults in my personal life. I came to see that the person who cut in front of me at the grocery store wasn’t out to ruin my life, but rather had a separate issue they were dealing with and may even be unaware of the social faux pas they just committed.
Staying rational doesn’t mean that you become a door mat. It means that rather than get caught up in negative emotions and react to a situation, you are able to take a step back and choose your actions. And rather than exacerbate the situation, you can prevent it from escalating and keep yourself safe.
The Action’s of Others is not an Attack Against You
If someone is acting out, they are looking to have their needs met. It might not be a healthy way to go about their issue, but for whatever reason, it is what they have chosen to do. Their reactions are trying to convey that they are missing a basic need. Whether that is a fear of trust, a hangry outburst, or maybe they just don’t feel valued. At the root of the issue, you will find the solution.
This isn’t to say you should accept being yelled at or worse, but that in recognizing their behavior isn’t about you, it is easier to remain calm and look for the solutions. When the person has deescalated, you can then open up the dialogue of what types of behaviors are and are not acceptable to you. As well as how you would like them to approach issues in the future. This way you can maintain your relationship as well as avoid placing yourself in similar situations down the line.
We are all Reflections of Each Other
Your perception of another person is a reflection of yourself. If you dislike a person, figure out why. The reason is usually because they strongly portray a quality you dislike about yourself or they may have a strong quality you wish to have. This one can be a difficult issue to face because you may not want to admit you are lacking in certain areas of your life whether that be emotionally, career goals, social skills, etc. it isn’t always easy to admit your flaws, even to yourself. So if you find yourself disliking a person, look closely as to why.
Set Reasonable Expectations
This one goes for yourself as well as other people. Be kind to yourself and others and don’t judge someone for not being where you think they should be in life. Expectations shouldn’t be uniform because everyone has a unique life path and places their efforts on different aspects.
For instance, some people are career oriented whereas others are family oriented. College may not be of importance for some whereas it is integral to others. It is unfair to hold another person to your standards. As long as the other person is content in their choices, it shouldn’t matter how they measure up to your version of ideal. Additionally, it is good to have ambition, but if you aren’t where you thought you’d be that is fine too. It may take longer than expected to reach your goals and that is okay.
Maintaining a serene disposition is difficult. You may feel peaceful when returning from a vacation or leaving the yoga studio, but sustaining that level of calm is challenging. Keep the suggestions above in mind when you encounter difficult situations and people. Remind yourself that another person’s outburst may not even be about you. Or that the reason you don’t like your co-worker is because they may appear to be organized and that is a goal you haven’t reached yet. Whatever it is, take a step back from the moment and analyze it until you establish the underlying reason for it. When you are able to assess an issue before reacting to it, you will find peace.